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Love fails? and content to be alone May 21, 2010

Posted by osyrn in My life.
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If you have ever been to a wedding you’ve probably heard the scripture from 1 Corinthians 13 that speaks of love. Verse 13 states that of faith, hope, and love, the greatest of these is love. While deep down I know this to be true, recently that belief has been shaken mightily. This is due to various experiences in my life, but none more so than the recent news that two of my best friends have called off their engagement to one another, and also terminated the relationship completely. I don’t know the details of why this happened (and I don’t need to know, it’s none of my business), but it does make me extremely sad for them. I’m sad because these two seemed to have found something rare and special. They seemed so perfectly matched. They were deeply in love with each other and it showed. I was very envious of what they had, and hoped (and still do) to find that one day with someone special. So imagine my utter shock when I learned that they had broken up.

So why does this shake my belief that love is the greatest thing and can conquer all? Because here I thought were two people who had it figured out. They were planning a life together, and now, that has all been…I don’t know, taken away?, thrown away?, destroyed? They are two of my best friends and I love them both dearly. I was so happy for them, and it hurts me to see them in so much pain now that this has happened.

This may sound cynical (and maybe it is), but this makes me believe even more that I am better off by myself, at least at this point in my life. People ask me all the time, “Chuck, you’re such a nice guy, how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” The most simple, honest answer to that question is because I don’t want one.  Part of it is that I am extremely picky when it comes to women.  Yes, I have dated plenty, but those women (while being attractive, funny, etc.) never had what I was looking for.  They never had “IT.”  I’m not sure what “it” is, but I know “it” when I see it, and it is very rare.  Which is why I’m hesitant to invest my time in someone that I have a pretty good feeling early on that they don’t have “it” and hence why I am alone.

I like the way John Mayer puts it in one of his newest songs “Perfectly Lonely”:

I see my friends around from time to time, when their ladies let em slip away.  And when they ask me how I’m doing with mine.  This is always what I say,

Nothing to do.  Nowhere to be.  A simple little kind of free.  Nothing to do.  No one but me.  Is it really hard to see,

Why I’m perfectly lonely.  I’m perfectly lonely.  I’m perfectly lonely (yeah).  Cause I don’t belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times where I wish I had someone to share my life and experiences with, but overall, I am content with being alone.  That doesn’t mean I will always be that way.  The last verse of John’s song hits the nail on the head:

And this is not to say, there never comes a day, I’ll take my chances and start again.  And when I look behind, on all my younger times, I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong.

One of these days I know I’ll find that special someone I’m looking for, but until that day comes, I’ll keep doing my own thing, singing John’s song, and being perfectly lonely.


Why I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day! February 14, 2010

Posted by osyrn in Me being me!.
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So why don’t I celebrate Valentine’s Day?  For those who know me, you may think it’s because I’m currently single.  While that may seem the logical choice why I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, it is not the reason.  Even when I’m in a relationship I still really do not celebrate Valentines Day, not in the traditional sense (i.e. cards, flowers, candy, etc.).  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against Valentine’s Day, the idea behind it is great.  Take one day out of the year to show the person you love what they mean to you (or anyone special in your life, friends, family, etc.).  The problem I have with Valentine’s Day, well, really two problems, is one, the commercialization of the entire thing, and two, the fact that society states that “you must show your significant other you love them on this particular day of the year or you’re a bad person.”  That you have an obligation to buy stuff to show your love.

In all honestly, those two problems are really one in the same.  Think about it. You have all these commercials/advertisements on television, radio, internet, in grocery stores, drug stores, etc. saying “buy something expensive to show your love!”  Actually, it doesn’t even have to be something expensive.  Anything and everything is peddled, like the shady street vendor in a back alley selling knock-off Rolex’s for $5 one day and fake Coach bags for $10 the next.  Candy, cards, teddy bears, jewelry, flowers, mints, balloons, lingerie, and the list goes on and on and on.  Society says “you must buy one (or more) of these things for your significant other to show your love.”  My question is why?  Why do you have to do that?  The answer is you don’t!

Now, I know ladies, you love getting flowers, candies, etc. (and I love giving those sorts of things), but why do you have to get them on just this one day?  I say you don’t.  Me personally, when I’m in a relationship, I do those sort of little things any day of the year.  I mean seriously, how nice is it for her to come home on a random Wednesday evening, after a tough day at work, and there is a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table, just because.  Every day should be a day when you tell/show that significant person in your life how you feel about them, even if it’s something as simple as an email or a text that says “Hi!”.  Not a day should go by when that person should ever wonder whether you love them or if they are on your mind, even if it’s just taking a few minutes out of a hectic work day to call and chat for five minutes.

So again, I ask, why should you buy all that stuff, just because it’s Valentine’s Day?  And again I say, you don’t have to.  I have several couple friends who feel the same.  They still do things for one another on Valentine’s Day, but it’s simple things like, leaving a love note on the bathroom counter in the morning, or cooking a romantic meal together and eating by candlelight with a nice bottle of wine.  Valentine’s Day can be simple, inexpensive, and just as romantic (if not more so) without all the commercialized crap.

Me, I’m just a hopeless romantic and all the hoopla of Valentine’s Day is lost on me.  You shouldn’t need Valentine’s Day to show appreciation and love for that special someone in your life.  By all means, do it on February 14, but do it the other 364 days of the year too.  Take the spirit of Valentine’s Day and spread it throughout the entire year.  Take a spontaneous romantic weekend trip the beach. Go out for a walk, hand in hand, and buy an ice cream cone.  Have a nice Saturday night in, light some candles, order take-out, and watch a movie.  It doesn’t matter what you do.  Sure, we have deemed today is Valentine’s Day, but Valentine’s can and should be any day of the year, not just February 14.  So put the chocolates, card, and teddy bear back on the shelf.  Walk out of the CVS, go home, hug your significant other, and tell them you love them.  Not because it’s Valentine’s Day, but because you mean it!

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!

With much love!