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Love fails? and content to be alone May 21, 2010

Posted by osyrn in My life.
Tags: , , , , ,

If you have ever been to a wedding you’ve probably heard the scripture from 1 Corinthians 13 that speaks of love. Verse 13 states that of faith, hope, and love, the greatest of these is love. While deep down I know this to be true, recently that belief has been shaken mightily. This is due to various experiences in my life, but none more so than the recent news that two of my best friends have called off their engagement to one another, and also terminated the relationship completely. I don’t know the details of why this happened (and I don’t need to know, it’s none of my business), but it does make me extremely sad for them. I’m sad because these two seemed to have found something rare and special. They seemed so perfectly matched. They were deeply in love with each other and it showed. I was very envious of what they had, and hoped (and still do) to find that one day with someone special. So imagine my utter shock when I learned that they had broken up.

So why does this shake my belief that love is the greatest thing and can conquer all? Because here I thought were two people who had it figured out. They were planning a life together, and now, that has all been…I don’t know, taken away?, thrown away?, destroyed? They are two of my best friends and I love them both dearly. I was so happy for them, and it hurts me to see them in so much pain now that this has happened.

This may sound cynical (and maybe it is), but this makes me believe even more that I am better off by myself, at least at this point in my life. People ask me all the time, “Chuck, you’re such a nice guy, how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” The most simple, honest answer to that question is because I don’t want one.  Part of it is that I am extremely picky when it comes to women.  Yes, I have dated plenty, but those women (while being attractive, funny, etc.) never had what I was looking for.  They never had “IT.”  I’m not sure what “it” is, but I know “it” when I see it, and it is very rare.  Which is why I’m hesitant to invest my time in someone that I have a pretty good feeling early on that they don’t have “it” and hence why I am alone.

I like the way John Mayer puts it in one of his newest songs “Perfectly Lonely”:

I see my friends around from time to time, when their ladies let em slip away.  And when they ask me how I’m doing with mine.  This is always what I say,

Nothing to do.  Nowhere to be.  A simple little kind of free.  Nothing to do.  No one but me.  Is it really hard to see,

Why I’m perfectly lonely.  I’m perfectly lonely.  I’m perfectly lonely (yeah).  Cause I don’t belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times where I wish I had someone to share my life and experiences with, but overall, I am content with being alone.  That doesn’t mean I will always be that way.  The last verse of John’s song hits the nail on the head:

And this is not to say, there never comes a day, I’ll take my chances and start again.  And when I look behind, on all my younger times, I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong.

One of these days I know I’ll find that special someone I’m looking for, but until that day comes, I’ll keep doing my own thing, singing John’s song, and being perfectly lonely.



1. Clyde - May 21, 2010

Enjoyed the post. You are right, “it” is hard to find, but you always know “it” when you see it. But it also strikes me that while love is the greatest of the three virtues listed, it is also true that for most people instant gratification takes too long. And real love is work. It is a slog. Making it work for a long time, especially a life time, means making lots of sacrifices. That can be unpleasant.

And sometimes true love is ugly, because it means recognizing that what is good for you may not be what is best for your beloved. When that happens it can be the right move to part ways…I’m not saying this is what happened with your friends, but I like to think it. If for no other reason, then I once almost got married to a girl, but once we seriously starting talking marriage and the future, we found a few big things (like our idea on raising kids) that just didn’t jive. All my friends wondered what went wrong, and at the time it felt like something had, but in retrospect, I think the question is completely dunderheaded. The question is what went right? And the answer is that people find they are not ready for whatever reason and instead of inflicting years of hardship and a even worse divorce on one another, they move. That too can be love.

Just a thought

osyrn - May 21, 2010

Well said, and I totally agree. It turns out, seems like this was probably for the best for them, as sad as it is. Better to find out now then later.

2. theplaiddress - May 21, 2010

sigh, <3. that's all.

osyrn - May 21, 2010

That’s all huh? Hmmm. Uh, in other news, you haven’t posted a blog post in a while. Sup? Get to it! 🙂

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